I can't even begin to count how many times people have told me that someone has said 'Sorry' to them without knowing what they were apologizing for. Not only is the apology ineffective, it increases the amount of resentment in the one who was wronged leading to a deeper level of hurt and distrust.
If your intent to apologize is sincere, do it correctly!
If your intent to apologize is sincere, do it correctly!
Here is the anatomy of a sincere and effective apology:
1. Acknowledge / describe what you did that was hurtful.
2. Acknowledge / describe the pain, suffering and damage that your actions inflicted on the other.
3. Sincerely (speak from your heart) apologize for what you did and the pain it has caused.
4. Describe what you have learned from the experience and your goals for changing your behavior so that this will never happen again.
5. Acknowledge that you understand 'talk is cheap' and that it will be your behavior not your words which, over time, will earn back the trust of the other.
6. Pay special attention to HOW you deliver the message: tone and volume of voice, facial expressions, body language and attitude. Remember: how you deliver the message is part of the message itself.
Following this, give the person you're apologizing to time to absorb what you have said and perhaps even ask some questions. Keep in mind that just because you're ready to apologize, it doesn't mean the other person is ready to hear it.
Try not to get on the defensive when questions are asked and note that when the hurt has gone very deep, you will most likely have to repeat these steps a few times. If the relationship is truly important to you, you will have no doubts about doing this.
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6. Pay special attention to HOW you deliver the message: tone and volume of voice, facial expressions, body language and attitude. Remember: how you deliver the message is part of the message itself.
Following this, give the person you're apologizing to time to absorb what you have said and perhaps even ask some questions. Keep in mind that just because you're ready to apologize, it doesn't mean the other person is ready to hear it.
Try not to get on the defensive when questions are asked and note that when the hurt has gone very deep, you will most likely have to repeat these steps a few times. If the relationship is truly important to you, you will have no doubts about doing this.
For more morsels of Inspiration, be sure to follow me on Twitter:
http://twitter.com/strongsteps
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